Wow, It's been awhile...

6 months have gone and lots have happened...

Where do I start... Well I'm still on sickleave, because of my depression. Life seems to be like a rollercoaster. Sometimes feeling quite allright, then sometimes.... not so good. But I'm gettin' there, I hope.

My Day Center time ended last of May. Been trying to cope on my own since then. I still have therapies, starting at August. Thank godness.

Ihave divorsed, or divorse will be final on 7th of December. It was a right decision for us both, I strongly feel that way, because we made each other suffer... We weren't happy. It was a reallyhard decision to make, but after it felt as a relief. I have moved to my own little place with Vilma. And I think this is a right place for us. At least for next year, who knows where this life takes me in a year.

So I have had a rough time last ½ year, and I have been totally caught with myself and my own problems. So sorry for not been in touch.

I miss you my dear friends around the world. Huge hugs!

Still alive...

I have been havin' a quite rough time lately... So I haven't have the strength to write anything in here But I have been writing in my own language to my other blog.

Well my depression is getting deeper and my medication changed after today's meeting with the doctor. I'm in total fatigue and still going to the day center every day. So I'm not feeling that well.

Hardest thing for me is that the doctor adviced me to take a break from my studies. It is a very difficult decision to me as I love my studies, but I understand that I'm not up for it right now.. Lots of tears I've had in my day...

But I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends, they are takin' care of me and are supporting me during this difficult time. But so that this isn't totally depressing post I'll add here some pics...

As I couldn't do paper because my thumb was lookin like this

My thumb is allright already it was just a cut... Nothing serious.

But here's the beautiful self-made paper that my friend made for me as my thumb was like that.

And then I want to show you what I personally did in DC for the first time in my life, felting... This is what I did, how do you like it? I'm very proud of it...

And few pics of my wonderful therapist Wilma. She stays with me at my sofa right beside me as she knows that I'm feeling sad and depressed. Then she comes to me to be cuddled and then she sets herself in a good position and goes to sleep. She can stay with me for hours like this. Aint she a cutest thing?

BTW. I finally now what I will be after my studies ( in english I mean)

I am student in Degree Program of Grafts an Recreation and when I graduate I will be a Bachelor of Culture and Arts...

My wall is cracking...

Finally friday... Have had a rough week at the DC. Altough it's so enjoyable to spent time with people who really do understand you and can be very supportive, going there feels like a full-time job. As I might have told you my therapist said that she thinks I should take a little timeout from studies. I have been thinking about it and it's so hard for me to say that she's so right. I am demanding towards myself and I can't focus on my studies right now. So I'm skipping this weekends school days.. And continue thinking what to do with my studies...

Had a therapy session today... It was tough and I cried a lot, again... I think that my protection wall is cracking down bit by bit...

You know... It's really hard to REALLY look yourself in the eyes (so to speak) , and ask what you really are and what you want to be and so on... And before you can answer any of these questions you need to go through all the stuff that isn't all right in your life and try to make things better if you can, if you can't then.... make the necessary changes... but you can't make the changes before you have enough strength in you to do so...

Oh my... There's a tough journey ahead of me....

Feeling fragile...

Had a quite good day at DC. Made some clay work and I painted my drum to be. All that craftworks is just wonderful, something I enjoy very much. So there has been some joy in my day! ;)

Went to speak with my therapist and something happened. There's is a little crack in my wall of protection or what I should call it. So I had a little moment of truly watching me in the eyes, seeing my exhaustion, depression and situations to be. And the result was crying hard. But it didn't take long to get myself in order again. But I think it was a little sign of that the healing prosess has began... And I feel fragile...

New Week...

But feeling the same... One more day spent in the DC, we had musictherapy today. My drum is still unfinished 'cause I'm an perfectionist... But I'm sure I'll get it done next monday at the latest...

Otherwise day has been quite rough, as you could expect... Feeling depressed and anxious.

Oh...

I'm so very tired. I have been sleepin half the day and planning to spent the rest of the day in a coma-like state.



All I have done today; feed and serve the cat , our sweet & beautiful Wilma...

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be a cat?

An interesting day..

I was very tired as usual in the morning... But as I have a new haircut(done yesterday) I carefully did make -up and all this morning... =) (I'll add a pic soon of my new hair) And then off to the DC. We had art therapy today. I just loved it... We all were in a good mood as much as depressed people are in a good mood.. and I got my Gesso-painting ready... Would you like to see it? Well don't look if you don't want to see it... I'm going show it to you 'cause I myself am very pleased with the result. Altough I'm quite suprised that I used such a bright colours... Well enough with the talk... here it is...

So what do you think?

The meaning of this painting to me, is that I'm the balloon that is floating where ever the wind blows, and it's searching for it's way home... Also I thought of freedom, wouldn't it be nice to be that free...

Ok Enough about that. We did have a little water accident in the dc today, one battery blew out/got broken and water came flowing all over very strongly. It was an chaos! But we worked as a very good team and everyone helped with towels and blankets to stop the water spreading every where. Then after 10-15 mins of trying to dry up the floors blummers came and we got the situation in control... Wow! Imagine if the battery was to blew up at night and nowone was there! =-O It would've been like a pool ... Well we got it sorted and we got cheers about working as a team immediately. So we all felt pretty good when we left home.

Well now I'm writing this by the fireplace and relaxing. I thought I might try this one meditation cd today. Maybe it makes me feel good and relaxed...